We've all made excuses: for our mistakes, failures, disappointments. Sometimes we make excuses when other people make mistakes, fail and disappoint us. Who hasn't thought, "oh, they were just having a bad day, they are stressed because of work/kids/spouses etc., they have x-disorder because of their horrible childhood, which has scarred them and made them into the hateful monster that they are today..." Yes, we've all brushed it off from time to time.
This past holiday, I initiated planning a family gathering. I was shocked when my efforts weren't well received- and my invitation was sarcastically turned down. Personally, I was much engrossed in the holiday spirit and was so excited about David and I's first holiday season together! I was floored that others didn't share my thankful excitement about the holidays. (On a side note, we were also planning on sharing that we had a little one on the way during Thanksgiving!)
I like to find a reason behind why people treat me the way they do. I strive to process and understand what effects peoples' actions and choices. I try not to pass quick judgments, and if I do, I am not unwilling to reevaluate those judgments. But sometimes, it really only comes down to one issue: and that's me. Sometimes, I run out of excuses for other people. I run out of understanding, or irrational cover ups. I think its harder than we realize to say, "you know, there really is no way to explain their behavior except to say, its personal. It's very personal."
After a round-about exchange, the aforementioned family members briefly apologized and made many excuses- such as, we didn't want to eat at a restaurant (I hadn't actually specified, but they interpreted what I had said as such), that we wouldn't be spending enough time together, etc. etc.
Needless to say, David and I did not get together with them for Thanksgiving (did I mention that they celebrated it at a RESTAURANT, for a couple of HOURS, several days after Thanksgiving?) And then it dawned on me. It really didn't matter what I said. I could have offered a feast that lasted for days and they would not have been satisfied. Because it wasn't what was offered, or what was said. It was who was saying it.
I'm not going to make excuses for other people. They do that enough for themselves anyways. If they don't like me, I'm not really sure what I can do about it. Because frankly, I like who I've become, and I think its who I am supposed to be. (My husband thinks I'm pretty cute, most of the time.= )
And no more initiating family gatherings... ; )
David and I are excited about spending Christmas together in Athens. Homemade cinnamon rolls, pajamas, movies and enjoying being a couple before our family grows a little bit more are our plans for this Christmas season. We couldn't be more happy about the simplicity of our holiday.