I admit that I can be very far-sighted, both literally and figuratively. I am terrified of being late. I obsess over calenders, lists, and charts. I love to plan and organize. Family planning is no exception, unfortunately for my poor husband. I drive him crazy, (ooh, ooh, like no one else...). I believe the reason behind this particular obsession has to do with my own childhood and wanting to create a life that is different for my own child[ren].
Since I can remember, I have said that I would only have a family of even numbers- because I grew up in a family of three children. I'm sure you can imagine who was left out, as I am writing a rather cliche blog post about how "terrible"my childhood was and how when I "grow up" it's going to be different. (I have to make fun of myself a little.)
Based upon my own experiences, I have formed some bizarre notions and guidelines for the "ideal" family (as if there is one). Not only are these ideas completely unrealistic and probably not even true, they are rigid and formulaic. A family should be a circle of love, not a math equation (do I sound like a hippie or what?).
I am coming to recognize the ridiculous-ness of this and I am trying to be open to doing what's best for us and our child[ren] at that time, and not base my family off of childhood insecurities. I should also probably see a therapist.
Hello. My name is Caroline and I am addicted to planning. EVERYTHING.
And the irony? Dmitri was not exactly "on purpose." I mean, I didn't accidentally fall on a penis, but you know how it goes. And look how that turned out! He's one of the best things that has ever happened to us. He brings us so much happiness (though, he can be a little turd sometimes). Maybe I should accidentally fall on things more often...
Just kidding. That wasn't even funny.
So the moral of this story? Caroline is not omniscient. Nor will she try to be. Ok, she will try to be. But she shouldn't.
Did you like the size and structure of your own family? Have you created your own ideals of family perfection?
*Disclaimer: It wasn't even my parents "fault" per se. So what, they had three kids. I'm not trying to say that they should have had one less or one more...which is the whole point of this post. The whole thing is just stupid.
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