I admit that I can be very far-sighted, both literally and figuratively. I am terrified of being late. I obsess over calenders, lists, and charts. I love to plan and organize. Family planning is no exception, unfortunately for my poor husband. I drive him crazy, (ooh, ooh, like no one else...). I believe the reason behind this particular obsession has to do with my own childhood and wanting to create a life that is different for my own child[ren].
Since I can remember, I have said that I would only have a family of even numbers- because I grew up in a family of three children. I'm sure you can imagine who was left out, as I am writing a rather cliche blog post about how "terrible"my childhood was and how when I "grow up" it's going to be different. (I have to make fun of myself a little.)
Based upon my own experiences, I have formed some bizarre notions and guidelines for the "ideal" family (as if there is one). Not only are these ideas completely unrealistic and probably not even true, they are rigid and formulaic. A family should be a circle of love, not a math equation (do I sound like a hippie or what?).
I am coming to recognize the ridiculous-ness of this and I am trying to be open to doing what's best for us and our child[ren] at that time, and not base my family off of childhood insecurities. I should also probably see a therapist.
Hello. My name is Caroline and I am addicted to planning. EVERYTHING.
And the irony? Dmitri was not exactly "on purpose." I mean, I didn't accidentally fall on a penis, but you know how it goes. And look how that turned out! He's one of the best things that has ever happened to us. He brings us so much happiness (though, he can be a little turd sometimes). Maybe I should accidentally fall on things more often...
Just kidding. That wasn't even funny.
So the moral of this story? Caroline is not omniscient. Nor will she try to be. Ok, she will try to be. But she shouldn't.
Did you like the size and structure of your own family? Have you created your own ideals of family perfection?
*Disclaimer: It wasn't even my parents "fault" per se. So what, they had three kids. I'm not trying to say that they should have had one less or one more...which is the whole point of this post. The whole thing is just stupid.
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5 comments:
I am a planner and a list maker too. I thought I had it all planned out and the one thing I could not control God took total control of. We were married almost 8 year (lost a baby in those 8 years) before we finally held our first. When he was 4 months old. We found out we were expecting again--WHAT!!! They are a year and 10 days apart. More years of infertility...and we lost another one, then had a 3rd. Decided as much as we'd like to have a 4th the economy was headed downwards and it wasn't a wise idea. Guess what-we have 4.
Cheri
This blog cracked me up for some reason...probably because I am just as obsessed with planning...especially when it comes to our family! I grew up in a family of 4 and we both would like to keep it that way for our own family...but we will see! We both love kids so much and we are BEYOND excited for parenthood...eventually =)
None of our 6 were exactly 'planned', and there have been times in the last 8 years since my last child was born that I've thought some about what effect having so many kids has had on them, hubby and I, and the world. The oldest two are now married. First son doesn't want kids at all. He remembers too vividly the work involved as he was a teenager when the last two came along. (He was the only teenager I knew who would change poopy cloth diapers with narry a word). Next daughter can't WAIT to have kids. Third daughter and forth daughters can't WAIT to have kids, but they're still teenagers. The 2 little guys don't think about such things as legos and video games have taken over their brains.
I really feel like I might have done things differently in hindsight. Spaced them more, maybe. Got some help (and started taking my antidepressents sooner). And as much as I adore my two youngest little guys, I find myself exhausted much of the time and question whether it was selfish of me to have brought them into the world when I'm not feeling like such a great mama most days.
I am a planner like you, but when it came to planning our family, somehow I just fell on the penis without thinking...though the birth control failed twice. :)I was enamoured with being pregnant...made me feel I was doing something very important...but the reality was, it was HARD having lots of littles around all the time and no money to speak of.
Do I sound negative? Don't mean to...just realistic. I can do that now that I'm out of the thick of baby-growing/nursing/diaper changing and a whopping 43 years old. (how did *that* happen????)
Hi Again Caroline, Thanks for dropping by once more : )
A mother's work truly is never done (loved that little side-post or yours I read today)~
I am terribly OCD. I try to plan everything. I am not sure why~ I grew up in several foster homes so maybe that is a little of it. That said I had the beauty of being the youngest of 8, the eldest of 2, and the middle child.
In growing older I have learned to accept that I make plans and God laughs. :) My daughter is 20 and my son is 8. Wasn't planned that way, but what do you know, it works.
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