Monday, April 19, 2010

Wedgies, Onesies, and Clothes Falling Off

I have put off summer shopping for a long time. Years, actually. Last summer, I was immensely pregnant, and severely self-conscious, so though I was "dying" as I waddled around in the 100+ degree heat, I refused to wear shorts. Before that, I wore mostly dresses and skirts.

But now, with an active 9 month old and living in a humid subtropical climate, I need a pair of shorts. Badly. So I finally stopped putting it off and went shopping.

I looked through the entire department, found the longest pair of shorts that I could and tried them on. Now, I'm not a prude, nor do I necessarily have anything against short-shorts, but I'm really not into feeling like my butt cheeks are hanging out or that I have a massive wedgie.

Failure.

Notice the wedgie in the mirror. And oh my goodness, I have such white bird legs. So, I glance around, making sure that no college students are watching and I tiptoe into the Women's department. I lithely duck behind racks as I peek at the clothing. Ah, hah, a decent pair of shorts!

    Uh oh.

I'm all nice, mature, and modest, until my shorts completely FALL OFF. I have exhibitionist tendencies, but if I really wanted to show off my undies, I'd just not wear pants. The smallest size they make are only about 7 inches too big. I don't think it would be possible to take them in that much. So I give up on the shorts. And I find this...

  A ONESIE!

You know you want an ass-view.

All I have to say is, WOW. Are these really going to catch on? I hear these are popular in France?

Please explain this to me!!!

Overall, shopping was a failure. But I got a few laughs, and wedgies out of it.

Edit: This all took place at Target. 

29 comments:

Christy said...

Oh...my...garsh. That is hilarious. A onsie? Where did you find that? I know that I am behind in the fashion world (obviously, way behind), but seriously? They are actually making and distributing those...to wear before Halloween? lol.....So funny. This was a great post!

{All Thingz Related} said...

I have the same problem! I seriously have to shop in the little girls dept.! They are all that fit! I shop off the same rack as my daughter...she's size 10 in girls and I'm size 14 in girls! We'll be sharing next year! I hate shopping for clothes!!
~Rebekah

barbie said...

I have to say that is quite hysterical.......the onsie! mwa ha ha ha!

Amanda said...

Ewww!! Are you serious about the onesie?! haha Wow. So not attractive. Thanks for the entertaining post. :)

Eliza said...

WTF is that onesie thing? seriously. Okay, and how cute are you!?!?! You are so tiny and gorgeous! You will look great in anything (except that onesie thing because that is just wrong....sooooo not your fault).

Ms. J said...

haha I can not believe that onesie thing!! I do the same as Rebekah and buy most of my pants from the little girls dept. They fit me much better AND they are usually cheaper so that's a plus!

Lacey said...

Thank you SO very much for giving me a great laugh when I needed it most this afternoon. The onesie - man, that's too much!

Where on earth did you find that? I've never seen anything like it!

Best of luck on your next shopping trip. Great post!

Sheena Louise said...

bahahaha! aww! try old navy. last summer they had shorts in all different colors and lengths and they were like $15 i think. i bought four pair because they fit soooo well.

also, i really hope i look like you after i have a baby (one day, haha)!!

Taylor @ The Undomestic Momma said...

oh my gosh who came up with that onesie??? that is just awful!!! your too cute!

Kelly said...

This is hilarious! I'm glad you left a comment on my nursery so I could find your blog.

Licia said...

Your post is so funny! I can completely relate, as I embarked on the same adventure just last week. I ended up at Target also and I found these great shorts. Did you try the Mossimo Chambray Shorts? I ended up buying them in indigo and white.

Londen @ Sixty-Fifth Avenue said...

What!!?? Too funny! Good luck finding something fabulous!

Christopher And Tia said...

ahahahahahah!

ok but my laughter was just stabbed to death with the awful thought of MYSELF in that onesie. ew.

Mrs. Lukie said...

Hilarity! I love it :) (Not the fact that you didn't find anything, but the fact that you documented this journey to share with us!)

CourtneyKeb said...

Seriously laughed out loud at the onesie! Thank you for that!!

Gracefully Vintage said...

Ok you are too funny- i have been waiting to see more pics of your home but then coudlnt remember your blog name.. But Here you are & instead of home pics, some way too Funny clothing pics.. YOU are one itty bitty... and your legs have nothing on mine and im in Ca... Too Cute.. funny the things they sell as fashion--
Love the onesie...My tummy hurts from laughing...
Karryann

Sophia's Mom said...

Very funny! And a onesie?! WHAT?!
I had never seen one of those before nor do I care to see it again.

I don't wear shorts, only skirts or capri pants.

And thanks so much for visiting me on my SITS day! I'm your newest follower and I hope you'll stop by again soon.

http://www.thewannabewahm.com

becca said...

sweet lord have mercy! i cannot believe that is an actual onesie. i'd heard they are in, but was and will still remain in denial. i am blocking this from my memory.

Marcia said...

I have had that shopping trip so many times! I'm 30 so I feel like, even if I am small, shorts that barely cover the goods are too short, but I also don't want to look like I'm so old that I can't wear shorts that are fashionable. Where do you find those that are at just the right length (and still fit well)? I have no idea. Someone said something to me around Halloween that made me think that the problem might be people in my age group who do want to dress that way. A girl my age said that she loved Halloween because it's an excuse to wear something slutty. Ok, that I have heard before. Then, her husband said, "and Easter." To which she casually replied, "yeah, and Easter." Easter! No wonder I've had such a hard time the past few years finding an Easter dress I would actually wear into a church without fear of being struck by lightening!

Iva said...

LOL!!! hilarious onsie!!!

CRAZYMOM said...

I don't care hip that one piece thing might be...I'm not wearing it! LOL

The Paper Mama said...

Oh no. That onesie is beautiful! (that was sacasm...) :)

-chelsey

Jenny said...

I love your expression in the last pic. So funny!

ashesink said...

Maybe I should get a onesie to wear with my Snuggie...

Alexson said...

Oh hellllls no. I adore the onesie and must get one for myself. Height of sophistication, indeed.

I just stumbled over here and love your blog; congrats on all those new fireplaces!

Much More Than Mommy said...

P.S. You are incredibly adorable, even in that crazy onesie!!

Much More Than Mommy said...

OMGOSH!!! I am SO GLAD I kept scrolling down! I'm sorry this was part of your horrible day, but that onesie is HILARIOUS!!!!

Whatever Dee-Dee wants said...

I am dying over that onesie! Really?! DO people buy them?

Laura said...

I came here after googling "feminist onesies" for my nieces. You know, who are infants, babies, and for whom onesies would be appropriate. Not digging the adult onsie either. Thanks for sharing the photos--very funny.