Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What not to tell a pregnant woman the day before Thanksgiving....

This was definitely not the post I had planned for today, but I guess life rarely goes as I plan...

I had an appointment today with the midwives group at the hospital (yes, I am actually going to two different midwives, one for a homebirth and the others at the hospital. A little complicated.)

It was pretty routine: check my BP, weight, measure the baby, listen to the heart beat, set to go. 15 minutes tops. Except that I had gained 7 lbs in four weeks. Which is a lot, I know. But instead of being at all sensitive, tactful, or even just questioning me about my eating habits, the midwife told me...

"You need to lay off the food and not gain so much weight. I know it's hard around the holidays, but you don't need to eat so much."

And then, she dared to repeat this not once, but THREE times.

Ok, firstly. I am a very small person. I barely weighed 100 lbs before getting pregnant. I'm probably just now in the "normal" range for a not pregnant person, let alone someone who is 23 weeks pregnant with their second baby.

Secondly, I do not over eat. I eat when I'm hungry, and only then. I have a really big appetite, so what am I supposed to do, starve myself? [while pregnant??! That makes sense].

Thirdly, I am a very health conscious person. I eat 5-10 servings of fresh fruits and vegetables daily. I do not eat any processed food or trans fat. I do not eat any fast food, ever. I eat 100% whole grains - no white bread or pasta. I do not eat meat. I do not drink soda, tea, coffee, or anything other than water. I do treat myself to dessert, a couple times a week - usually a piece of cake that David, Dmitri, and I share. 

Fourthly, I am very sensitive about my weight (what woman isn't?!). I hate gaining weight while pregnant. Just the fact that I have gained that much weight is upsetting to me. But, the way that she accused me of overeating, and then repeated herself several times was just hurtful and tactless.

Fifthly, I can promise you that I weight at least 10 lbs less than she did. And I'M PREGNANT.

And finally, it's the day before Thanksgiving, the biggest eating day of the year. Way to wish me a happy holiday.

I did not say a word, because honestly, the only word that I could think of at that moment started with a "B." 

I apologize for the rant. But all 115 lbs. of me was very hurt and upset by this incidence. I left the office and cried, a lot. And tomorrow, I plan to eat as much as I want! 

Happy Thanksgiving!

26 comments:

Christina said...

Oh my word! That makes me really mad! I'm sorry you had to deal with that :( Try to push it out of your mind, knowing you're eating healthy foods and taking care of your little baby...and ENJOY Thanksgiving without a bit of regret!

Maggie May said...

Agreed. Total B!!! Forget her. That makes no sense anyway, you are doing fine. Your baby is growing, your fluids are greatly incresing in utero, the placenta is heavy now, and your blood volume has doubled!

barbie said...

As you should, Poo on the midwife! Happy Thanksgiving!

Renanda said...

I think that lady was full of s.....something. You are one of the healthiest ppl i "know". Most girls would cut off their arm to weigh 115! Eat lots of good stuff tomorrow! Happy Thanksgiving.

Sarah @ Picture Window said...

How obnoxious. You'd think she would be happy you were gaining enough weight given your low starting weight! I would have gone on a long tirade detailing my diet habits and made her feel as bad as possible for being so rude :D

It sounds like your weight gain is just fine!

Caroline said...

How insensitive of her! Just based on your recipe posts it's clear that you're a very health-conscious eater. Of course it's her responsibility to inform patients/clients about good diet and appropriate weight gain - but not to criticize them or assume it's due to overeating or unhealthy eating. (Three times!)
I think you're doing exactly the right thing by listening to your body. I hope you Dmitri and David have a wonderful Thanksgiving - I can't wait to read about it :)

Rebecca@This Present Life said...

How rude! As long as you know that you're eating healthy and doing right by your baby, that is all that matters. And eat as much as you want tomorrow!

The Little Blog about kids... said...

I think I weighed 115 pounds when I was 12 :) I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you :( Give her a free pass and enjoy your holiday!

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

wow- she is just upset because you do weigh less than her and you are pregnant and she is taking it out on you. i let myself wat what i wanted and gained weight while pregnant- 40 lbs the first time, and 35 the seond. i lost it both times, and i exercise and eat healthy, but you shouldn't starve yourself or deny yourself when you are pregnant. enjoy your thanksgiving, and have dessert, too. you are ateensy thing and i think you have room to grow. ;)

Sarah Ann said...

Well she was being a "b" word and you have every right to feel the way that you do! Eat as much as you'd like tomorrow hun, you're tiny, you eat well, and like you said, you're PREGNANT! Enjoy yourself and forgot that "b." :)

CourtneyKeb said...

Thank God you are a strong, confident woman who practices good health habits to begin with.
If she'd have told that to someone with less confidence and good habits she really could have done a lot of damage.
Not to say that she didn't hurt your feelings or do any damage, because that's inevitable, but I'd imagine telling that to someone with self issues beforehand would really be detrimental to her health during the rest of the pregnancy.

Disgraceful!!
Sorry you had to go through that!

Mama Gone Green said...

Eat up mama! You deserve every bite!

Momma Rhyne said...

That is ridiculous!! You are PERFECT and she was just jealous because you are a HOT mama!! Eat to your hearts content. Last Thanksgiving I was 36 wks pregnant and could hardly eat anything thanks to a soon to be delivered 10 lb 8 oz baby was taking all my room. Your pregnant on Thanksgiving, that is a BLESSING, in my opinion at least! :-D

Christin@Pregnant with power tools said...

Sounds to me like you are just fine! Don't let her bully you... I know I gained tons some months and nothing during others and everything was fine (and my midwife was cool with it too). Enjoy your Holidaze ;) and hopefully you're MW will lighten up .

Heather said...

How horribly insensitive of her! 7 lbs in a month mid pregnancy is NORMAL. After having 4 babies I can attest that around the 20-22 week babies have a growth spurt that usually results in you gaining extra weight. Don't listen to that old cow (oops did I say that?) and enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Ash said...

i gained 20 kilos during the 40 term and every month, the midwife would tell me to watch my weight. the thing is that chinese women hardly gain weight and i'm not chinese so the midwives shouldn't be too hard on the non-chinese patients pregnant in hong kong. anyway, i still ate and didn't bother about their comments.

my baby is a happy and healthy eater and i think it's due to me eating what i wanted/when i wanted. :)

stay positive!

~ash's mum

paisley penguin said...

Go forth and EAT my friend. And Give thanks for your wonderful husband, son, family and friends. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving - you are beautiful!

JPeaslee said...

115 lbs? Darling, you weigh 110 lbs less than me. That midwife is silly, and Lord knows you look gorgeous.

Lisa said...

she's just jealous!! eat and enjoy!!!

Gina at Temporary Nest said...

Wow what a jerk! Don't listen to her. Everyone is different with weight, how they gain it, lose it or whatever the case may be! My GP once told me that when I was 120 lbs I was bordering on "obese" according to my BMI. But its obviously ridiculous. SO just ignore her. You know your body better than anyone. Eat and be merry today!! :)

Emily A. Clark said...

Caroline, this story cracks me up because I had the same thing happen to me. I gained all of 23 pounds with my last baby and the doctor told me my butt was going to get big if I didn't lay off the Cokes. It's amazing the things people (and doctors) say to pregnant women :)

Bromeliad said...

You go girl. Cry and eat you some ice cream.

Cubarado said...

I too am your size and preggers with my third and every time I gain a pound my mid-wife and I have a party! Being our size, 7lbs. is to be celebrated, your baby requires a lot right now. :)
I think this is an obvious sign to pursue your home birth midwife and allow your body and baby's birth to take form naturally. Just my 2cents...
blessings, j

Sheena Roetman said...

As someone who knows you personally, there's really no other way to put this: what a bitch! Honestly, it sounds like she was just jealous. I hope it's not still bothering you, but if it is, I wonder if there is a way to not see that specific woman anymore?

Curly-T said...

I know I'm late in commenting, BUT:

You're eating habits put mine to shame! I'm 20 weeks pregnant and gained 5 lbs in the last four weeks. This bothered me and you know what my doctor said? "That's normal. The baby is growing, and that's good. Don't worry about the weight, unless you feel like you are over-eating. Keep on moving and you'll be fine."

I think my dr would probably tell you to gain all you can, you skinny minnie! :)

Katie @ On the Banks of Squaw Creek said...

oh dear. You're supposed to gain weight! Silly lady!