How can you be a Feminist and a Housewife...

I just had to add this photo when I saw it. via

The title of my blog has elicited many opinions on whether one can be a Feminist and a Housewife. Surely these two things are diametrically opposed, oxymoronic, or at the very least, paradoxical. I will admit, the name of my blog started out somehow as an inner joke, because I am a feminist and a Women's Studies major/graduate, yet I love "domesticity".

But as my own philosophy has transformed into something more concretely defined, it is not just a joke. I am indeed a Feminist Housewife. Many people think that feminism teaches that all men and women should work outside of the home and put their children in daycare; I am sure that many feminists do this and believe this as well. However, I think that devaluing taking care of children and the home as a job (and believe me, it is a job) and thinking that no one except childcare centers should do this (many of which are incredibly underpaid), seems completely in opposition to feminist theory to me.

Instead of saying that women should leave the drudgery of housework to join the somehow more fulfilling and meaningful "workforce", so that one can pay a marginalized person to do one's dreaded housework or take care of the children, what if we challenged the very idea that this work is not valuable. Everyone has to eat, wash clothes, clean up, do dishes, care for their children if they have them, or pay someone else a usually, unfair wage, to do all of these things for them. So why not recognize this work as meaningful, contributing to society in a productive way, and give it value?

Now, I'm not saying all women should stay home, or that women should not work outside of the home. Not at all. But, I do think that men and women should have the option of doing these things for themselves and be able to find meaning and fulfillment in them, if it is their choice. Contributing to society in this way is incredibly challenging, and often devoid of much recognition, especially in a society where value is often based on a price-tag. It's no wonder that there are things like "Housewife's Syndrome," or "The problem without a name." I think that one should be able to take pride in doing necessary work that is for the betterment of society.

I don't want to overlook the complexity of financial matrices as couples, especially those with children, have to solve in trying to live in our society; or how single parents juggle all that come with children and work.  And I am not trying to pass judgement on any particular way of life. I am merely challenging what is important and valued, and that the only way for a woman to find meaning and value is to work outside the home, or that a man could not stay home, as well.

Also, I feel the need to clarify, when I am referring to people paying for household services to be done, I know not everyone who has two incomes has a housekeeper or gets all of their closed dry cleaned or has a nanny. But no one can do it all, and if you have two people working, than you do have to pay for it somewhere, whether it's childcare, going out to eat for dinner, picking up fast food, having someone clean the house once a week, whatever it is...

So what do you think? I am open to constructive criticism. And I am in no way saying that my theory is completely sound or perfect. It is ever-evolving...

Feminist Confessions: I painted my son's toe nails PINK

So there was a big brouhaha about a J Crew ad that involved a mama painting her son's nails...

Quite a few people were upset about the ad (*cough* Fox News). I of course, have my opinions about gender, and how colors do not have a gender. I have pink pom-poms in my sons' nursery and my son's wear pink and purple diapers. But that didn't mean I neccessarily planned to paint my sons' toe nails...

But when I painted my toe nails for the first time in three years with the only nail polish that I had (neon pink), Dmitri was enthralled. He didn't take his eyes off of me. And when I was finished, he wanted his "toes" painted too. I never knew an almost-two-year-old could sit so still. And he did not even touch it until it dried.

I'm glad that I did not deny myself or my son quality time together, laughing and painting our toe nails neon pink, for the sake of societal ideas of gender. I would have hated to miss out on that experience and memory...

 Mama & Dmitri feet

I love his little toes!

Do you have special memories of doing unconventional activities with your kids?

I'm an Everday People...

Yesterday, I had a surreal moment when we went to eat at our favorite local vegetarian restaurant, The Grit (We may or may not have eaten there twice in one day before) and several of my favorite people in Athens (they are friendly, cool, and they serve cake...pretty much my BFFs) mentioned that they saw me in Flagpole, a local Athens magazine. I opened it up, and there was a large color photo of me and a full-page interview, in which I talk about blogging, parenthood, Women's Studies, and of course, I get a little political about birth.

It's not like it should have been a surprise, per se, since I did give an interview for the column entitled, "Everyday People." But it was still surprising, weird, and surreal to actually see it in print! And it made me a little giddy, no lie. The whole thing came about through several random connections (friends-of-friends-of-my-husband, through Facebook) sort of deal. Not only was it a random opportunity, but quite a hi-tech one. Since I was traveling at the time, I "met up" with columnist, Emily Patrick, and she conducted my interview via Skype. It was not nearly as awkward as I expected it to be. I actually had a lot of fun!

And so enough talking about the interview-that-makes-me-feel-silly-but-I-can't-help-but-be-a-little-excited-about it... go see it for yourself. You can read it a few different ways:

-Visit Flagpole and I'm on the front page.
-Or click here to view the paper in PDF

Dmitri has Two Mommies

Before we let our minds get away from us, this is not "The Feminist Housewife comes out of the closet" or "The Feminist Housewife's Husband is getting a sex-change"....Although, I am sure those would make for some interesting conversations.

Rather, it's the story of Dmitri and his two mommies. Because you see, Dmitri refuses to have a daddy. He knows who "Daddy" is (although he can't seem to figure out WHY I continue to call him that). No, Dmitri is adamant. David and I are both named "Mama." Or, more like MOMMa. I'm not exactly sure why Dmitri has decided this. I keep thinking it's just a little phase and he'll probably switch back to "Daddy." But this has been going on for a while, several months now.

Neither David nor I are the least bit worried about it. But it is incredibly comical when Dmitri screams "MOMMa" at the top of his lungs and runs to David in the middle of a restaurant...We receive some quizzical looks. I would like to read into it a little more. Maybe it's because Dmitri views us as equal parents, or as the same person, or that he does not distinguish on the basis of gender, but rather on love.

Or maybe he is just a toddler who asserting his own opinion on names. Or, he's just confused. No matter what the reason, as a feminist parent, I cannot help but get a little smirk on my face every time he says "MOMMa".

To wear make-up, or not to wear make-up

I have a confession to make. I am vain. And I don't like to be seen in public without make-up. I probably started wearing it when I was 12 or 13, and haven't gone many days without it. As I've gotten a little older, I've started to question the use of make-up. I mean, it's pretty silly that girls feels like they have to put harsh chemicals on their faces to fit into a mythical idea of beauty. It's sad. Even though I use all-natural beauty products, the question I have to ask myself is why? Why do we try to hide? A man's worth isn't defined by whether he nearly stabs his eyes out every morning with an eye pencil to make them "stand out". Why are we held to a different standard, and why do we give in? I know it's what I've grown up with. I've never known anything different.

And if we are going to be really transparent (no make-up here), I am sometimes afraid of being viewed as one of "those" feminists. You know the stereotypes. The all-natural (considered unattractive) chewy feminist who MUST be a lesbian.... and probably hasn't looked in a mirror since the Second Wave.

It's an inner-feminist struggle that I have been wrestling with, and haven't fully concluded. Cognitive dissonance. I just haven't been able to let go of make-up. It makes me feel so much more comfortable, and pretty, and commodified...(hah).

I fear that people will write me off.

As crazy.

Maybe I am a little on the fringe. But all I'm asking is, why do we wear make up? Sometimes I think we don't even stop to think about it.