Monday, September 29, 2008

For Such a Time as This

Since I could talk, I have had an immortal sense of curiosity as to why things exist as they do. I wondered why I was born into the family that I was? Why have I lived in six different cities, averaging a move every 3 years? Why do I have brothers and not sisters?

I am the annoying person on the second row of Calculus class who asks for the proofs to every theorem. If I can understand something on a theoretical and philosophical level, then I can act and react in a logical way. But, if I don't understand why something exists, then I become frozen. I cannot think to act.

Sometimes time reveals why things have happened. If I hadn't moved from Mobile to Atlanta at 13, if I hadn't attended the school that I didn't want to, if I hadn't graduated early, I would have never met my husband. If I hadn't been determined to work through the many obstacles (which any single one could have destroyed our relationship), then I would be living life without my soul mate.

I expected my curiosity for the "whys" to dwindle as I matured, that perhaps I could find peace with how things are. But even now, when I am sorting through life, I wonder why.

It can be good to challenge social structures, and I know that God has put me on this earth to do so, but sometimes I have to realize that I cannot change everything. I cannot make unreasonable people reasonable, and I cannot make hateful people love me. Sometimes I have to stop asking why things are this way, cease to try to change things, and let things go.

I apologize for the weight of this post. Sometimes life isn't always light and fluffy, unfortunately