Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I've made choices that have led me to where I am. I have very few regrets, and I honestly love my life. I am married to my best friend and lover, I have the most charming child imaginable, I go to a good university, and I am passionate about what I study.

But sometimes, just for a moment, I wish that things were different. Today, I had one of those conversations with myself.

There is a Comparative Women's Studies program in Europe. In Granada, Utrecht, Krakow, Berlin, Prague, and Istanbul to be specific. It's an amazing experience: incredibly influential feminist scholars from across Europe speak on many fascinating issues in gender and feminist studies, specifically affecting Europe. Feminist philosophers, film directors, activists, and non-profit directors. Women who are changing the world.

It is such a great research opportunity. A learning experience.

One day, one day...sigh.

Just not today.

Today, I am going to make dinner, read, bake chocolate chip cookies, and sew. Today, I will dream.


the thrifty ba said...

dont be down...anyday where there are warm chocolate chips involved is a good day!

Sheena Louise Roetman said...

I know how you feel. The things that keep me tied down are different from yours, but they still exist and it's still hard. I've learned that you simply can't dwell on it though, not even for a minute. :)

Emily said...

wow, I know exactly how you feel! I've totally been -there- where you are.

thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog!

and I completely agree about the warm chocolate chip cookies :)

Donatella said...

Hi Caroline,
Have you ever read about Queen Esther? As I read about your family/ motherhood, and educational endeavors I think you would truly enjoy, be pleasantly suprised [by], illuminated and uplifted. Esther was a person of faith, goodness, devotion and courage. She built upon these characteristics combining with them a sense of watchfulness... I think you remind me of her~

Unknown said...

Most mommies go through this from time to time. : ) Just keep your eyes open there are opportunities all around you.

Null said...

Hi Caroline, having grown up in a home where my father raised my and my two sisters while my mother worked, I can very much relate to my desire to be both mother and mind. How interesting you both are, to be deeply entrenched in academe while also pursuing a life of aesthetic joy.

I've picked up crafting as a way to nurture the creative side of me. It's not been easy, though;-)

AllisonO said...

O hunny, I have so been there, like, 5x this week.

Unlike Sheena, I think it's ok to dwell on it for a minute, because after that minute is over, your eyes are opened. Going abroad to study would change you in wonderful ways, but what you have at home is so much more valuable. That wouldn't be as apparent if we didn't consider what we could be doing "if...".

Some days, though, it takes me longer to come to that realization than others.


Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

i think as women we have different seasons of our lives and so many opportunities to take advantage of. just hung out w/ one of my best friends, who is 51, and she is contemplating "what's next?" you will have all of this an more... just perhaps in a different sequence than some.

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

Just finished reading "The World According To Garp" with my book club and your post really relates.

I like to think that our "lost" dreams are not really lost but just slightly postponed :)