Friday, January 13, 2012

A New Year & A New Career: And too many thoughts and feelings

We have finally returned from our holiday travels and are settling into January. It is now that I get to realize that I have actually graduated. My new life as a stay-at-home (during the day) mom is going to take a little getting used to. When I drop David off at class or work, I get the "I'm playing hooky" feeling, and then I wonder what to do with myself all day. Don't get me wrong, there is a long list of things to do (I am months behind on cleaning, laundry, organization, my book list, scrapbook and photo albums that are years behind, and anything else that has taken a back-seat to college and babies. What?! I have a blog?!) There is just a lack of a schedule, a lack of "I have a paper due and I have to shower, change two diapers, eat breakfast, and be at class by 9:30 and who cares whether the dishes get done today, as long as I have some clothes to put on."

I suddenly find that I have time to realize that the purple couch looks like a toddler has been eating breakfast on it, or that I have five mirrors yet to be hung, or that door handle that needs to be replaced.

It will take some time to adjust. To swallow the overwhelming feeling of being home with a 2.5 year-old and a 10-month-old all day alone, to set a schedule, and to tackle the mound of laundry that has been patiently waiting for all this time. It's a new challenge. One that lacks due dates, and there will be no grade at the end. It lacks much recognition. And my name will not be on a list at the end of the semester nor will there be a performance bonus. I will only have my own feelings and perspective to measure my achievements and value. Yes, it will be an adjustment, but it is one that I am eagerly facing. I'm more than a little scared, but I am ready.


Unknown said...

Transitions are always hard! My kids are 4, 2 and 8 months and I'm still trying to get a schedule going! It's hard work to keep the laundry and other chores going, as well as cooking good meals, keeping up on your blog and projects and being a happy, involved Mommy! I wish you the best!

Katie Olthoff said...

Hey - congrats!!!

You'll get into a groove soon and love it!

Mandi said...

I am so excited for you Caroline! I can't imagine how crazy things must have been at times for your family. I have 100% faith that you will settle into your new work (because we know it IS work) and you'll do it beautifully! I bet you have a LOT of fun projects just waiting to do! I was in a similar position after I had Maddy (although I didn't graduate and I only had one kid). But I'd worked or gone to school since Kindergarten and after those newborn baby days were over it just felt weird being home all the time. But I wouldn't change any of it now. Congratulations again on graduating! I know you worked super hard for it!

Curly-T said...

When we moved last March and I suddenly found myself as a stay at home mom to 2.5 (my youngest was a 6 weeks from being born) - I was INCREDIBLY thankful for the packing to be undone. It gave me a goal each day that was suddenly lacking (one friday i'm at work, monday I'm not).
It was after the unpacking, and the baby's birth, when he was about 2 months, when I really started going "wow, I'm going to have to set some due dates for myself here!"
In came my cleaning schedule, homeschooling my 3.5 year old, starting a novel.... I found that if I set goals, it was much easier to wake up BEFORE my kids and shower and be ready to face them when they jumped out of bed.
Good luck with the transition!

Cate said...

I bet that is quite the shock to your routine! Good luck! I've missed reading your blog.

Christina said...

It's just new challenges...but your KIDS are so worth it!! Enjoy this time...I'm sure you'll miss it someday!! :)

lamcal said...

Oh those transitions. I am in another transition here as I am sitting with my coffee this snowy Saturday morning in Michigan at a vacation house. I am sixty and the kids are grown and off on their life adventure and not an adventure out in the woods or sledding. I am enjoying every minute of these years, but this morning I woke up and missed the voices of those kids rambling and tumbling through the house, excited about the snow, making plans, playing games. When I hear the voices of those early years in my head and heart, I am glad I had the opportunity to be with my children through all the messy, funny, tumultuous moments of childhood and family. Store it up like a treasure.


Anonymous said...

Caroline, I totally get where your coming from! On the note about not making a it on a list or a grade for each performance... I find that as my kids grow they are the keeper of my achievements and failures because after all when they are grown they will grade my performance as their mama and well... I hope I make the grade!
So excited for you and know you will continue to be a creative, involved, and scheduled ( if you want) Mama!
Happy New Year and Happy New Career!
Shine On!

Shannon said...

Good luck with your transition! When you've been a student for a long time, it can feel so strange to suddenly not be one. I hope this change is a good one for you. :)

JPeaslee said...

I know a little bit how you feel - in terms of the college graduate thing, I mean. This odd transitory period is partly why my depression returned full force about a year ago. I'm only just now starting to get things back on track. I had to find ways to keep myself busy, which is something I imagine you won't have any trouble doing, but it's important to find motivation in every day life once we're no longer rewarded with grades and honors.

Christy said...

You should feel so accomplished Caroline! What a wonderful achievement you have. I can imagine the transition from chaos to peacefulness could be quite the challenge.

If anything you can do just about anything. Well heck you've already conquered the world with two kids and now get to enjoy them a little bit more:)